I used to be one of those people who hated the news...
And when I say "used to be"... I'm talking about up until a couple of days ago!
Flick on the TV and what do you hear?? "Bombing this, rape-that, shooting this, flu this, killer-germ spread here, sports scandal there...(America, if you can't tell)". It really pissed me off to see all of this fear being dished out over toast and coffee over everyone's morning breakfast.
So what did I do about it? Well, I ignored it. I would leave the room, or put on my headphones, I'd even get into some heated discussions with family members about why they watched it... which often ended in a hot-head with no proper outlet of energy.
This went on for YEARS.. almost a decade.
And now... for the first time in my life I can say...
I love the news.
What?! Did you hit your head? Did you have a spiritual fall-out? Did something bad happen to you?? You may ask...
Nope... quite the opposite.
As I was in the gym today running on the treadmill I could see this big fat flat-screen reflected in the mirror, there was no way to avoid it. I started to get hot, extra hot, not just running hot. After the firing line of all these horrific updates (rapes, trafficking, scandals, war, bombings, terrorists... literally back-to-back), I paused the treadmill mid run and went on a mission to "disarm" the TV. I was fiddling my sweaty fingers all along the sides and top of this gigantic thing and there was NO button to turn it off. Look around, no remote in sight. Great.
I go back to the treadmill, accepting my fate and resuming my run... looking at the faces of these three reporters so lavishly dishing out their opinions on politics... and then, something starts to happen...
I feel rage building. I feel power building. I feel a lion growing inside me. I feel justice burning. I feel a warrior rising within. I punch up the speed a few notches.
And I start to listen to what is being shared... listening in between the lines. I hear all of the externalised focus. What "they" are doing.. Who that "bad person" is... How the "victim" is handling.. it's all external stimuli.
Nothing about what YOU can do for YOURSELF to better your life (unless its an Ad).. Nothing about checking WHAT goes into your food... or beneficial tools for building relationships with family members, or WHERE a child has been lovingly adopted lately, or healthy ways to improve your mental and emotional health... Nothing about Internal awareness.
Quick!!! Flash to some mind and soul numbing commercial of toilet paper, then furniture, and then fast food... Quick, back to some ghastly update on bombings with live footage.
I start to say out loud, "Ah, I see whats going on here"
"Numb the people with mindless stimulation, jingles and songs, soul-less and love-less not to mention nutrition-less food, consumeristic desires and infatuations, a culture of more-more-more, shopping adds with emotional teddy bears and tears evoked... THEN....
Slam them with a bombing! A rape case! An e-coli breakout! A terrorist-threat!
Yes. Yes! In this state of deep brain-wash from an over-stimulated life-style, we see anything "intense" and we hyper-focus on it. It becomes the talk of the town. It grows and spreads like a virus.. then of course to be expected.. these sorts of events actually happen massively."
I'm growling at the TV, feeling a deep protection for the minds and souls of humanity.
I start growling as I punch the treadmill up a few notches more, doubling my speed. I feel savage, I feel rabid, I feel alive.
And in this moment, I realise, I love the news. I need the news. It reminds me of what the stakes are. It shows me just how much bull-crap society is being force-fed and becoming hyper-focused upon.
I see how that decade of my just ignoring or going silent to this massive part of humanity was actually stemming from a fear of speaking up and really FEELING the disgust and injustice I felt around this manipulation of the human spirit and soul.
It was easier to check out, to go do my own thing, than to face that powerful lion inside that firmly roared, "NO.". But it actually wasn't easy.. because it was costing me the freedom of powerful expression, the ability to express and speak to the things that weren't the "easiest" digest. Afraid of the lion of energy and passion that can be breathed into within me. The one who faces conflicting conversations with grace and powerful presence.
I was afraid of that lion for so long, I still am. But that lion is coming out. She's coming in. I can no longer afford to suppress that power. And a big fat dose of outspoken, opinionated, fire is probably exactly what I am needing... because the standard so far has been flighty or escapist to any sense of conflict or resistance in the face of things I feel passion stirring in my body for.
No. This lion comes out now. I want to feel this. This wants to feel me. And as I let this flow, it inspires me into deep, creative and passionate action... that rage is actually becoming transmuted into powerful transformation.
And I know it's not the people's fault. I can totally understand why people want to keep up with what going on. And just as I have the right to my fiery lion, others have freedom to theirs too... but really? Flick on the news and you are pretty much like a junkie getting an adrenaline hit of fear, taboo, death... Its so depressing.
When... there are so many other BENEFICIAL, inspiring, expansive, and healthy ways we can get that powerful dose of intensity... in a way that inspires us to grow and better our lives, our relationships, our health and careers... if we want change on the outer level.. its going to ONLY begin when we start doing the work on an INNER level.
I feel like humans long for intensity, we want to change and grow and transform, we want to feel life... experience life.
So often the TV set is the only way that we can get that.
I progressed on this all post run and came up with this,
We can either
- Feed into it, consumed with hyper-focus on drama and fear
- Charge against it, waging a war that only breeds more separation and drama
- Ignore it, going into escapism... idealism.. fantasy world.. bypassing
- Silence to it, aware of the dissonance but too fearful to act in any way other than compliance
- OR... we can get Inspired by it!
We can let it launch us into action from the heart. To really stand for what we believe in in our lives. We can find our fire, our passion, and what we really believe in.. then we can burn in that direction. As we do this, the effect of being embodied naturally emits through your surroundings and will consciously or subconsciously spread empowerment to others to choose for themselves.
I made a vow on that treadmill, with my sweat drenched skin, puffing breath, and a smouldering gaze into the mirror...
" I will not hush my voice any longer. I will speak. I will let this voice be heard. I know you're scared Kelly, there must have been a time you spoke passionately about what you felt before and then ended up feeling scorned or rejected. It's okay. I've got you now. No one can hurt you. But, you've got to let that voice out. You've got to let it rip through. No more hiding. No more escaping the conflict. Nothing but truth. Truth is beauty. Let your words be hear. From this moment forward... no holding back.''
I left that gym, knowing deep within me that all the fear and insecurity I experience is a form of conditioning, and often one projected from society. I am not limited to that. Suppression is a force that keeps us small... but believe it or not, we are the ones who hold the keys that set ourselves free.
I am a lion. You are a lion. I am a limitless being. You are a limitless being.
Getting truthful with myself, breathing transformational fire through these lungs.